hard times.

so its a sunday night[yayyyy] no school tomorrow! I think I'm heading over to jeremy's place to finally see that sexy mahjong table of his. onto other news, church life is getting so much better for me. I was so relieved to see courtney at church today. I haven't seen her in forever, I really missed her. :[

I want to get baptized, but theres stuff that keeps me from being baptized. I don't mind making up the classes I missed, actually I want to make them up and take that extra step to declare to everyone that I'm a christian. it's just my mom that seems to have a problem. earlier today, she told me, or rather yelled, that she would be so much happier if I didn't go to church. that hurt me. I really want to get baptized. I'm not sure what God wants for me, maybe He'll want me to be baptized next year, perhaps with another fellow cana-er(: it's all His choice now. I've made my choice to get baptized, what's His choice for me?

wbc quick update.

so its the middle of the week, school's been going pretty well I guess. I'm aiming for that 90 average plus, in hopes of getting a new phone/ipod. major update, I got my first 100 on a math homework. :D I'm proud of myself. my scores have ranged from 80-99. so I feel very accomplished today. there's nothing much to blog about anymore. all of the hype is gone, and we're back in school. no more vacations, no time to hang out. :[ I finally got to see lily again last saturday which made my heart jump cuz it's been like... forever. I finally saw sandra today too, she said that I prolly won't see her until winter conference or so. :[

so tomorrow, a group called wbc [westboro baptist church] will be protesting outside tech tomorrow. I think it's a stupid idea. Their website says that God Hates Fags. not really a welcoming christian church....this is what they have on their schedule they're saying that brooklyn tech is stupid for supporting gay rights. I'm neutral about the topic, but why protest? it's gonna end up in a riot, and probably mosh pit. I have a really big feeling that some idiot from tech is gonna throw a punch at the guys. and then all hell breaks loose. =/ I'm gonna pray that everyone stays safe tomorrow. praise God.

taking some time off

wow...lately I've been bombarded with school work, and it's only sophomore year. I'm actually proud of myself. all of my teachers like me this year. so far, I have an 88 class average in trig and a 93 average in chem. not bad. I'm aiming for above 90 average this year so I quit stageworks. instead, I've joined breakdance and soon to be, seekers. homework hasn't been much of a breeze though. global homework is killing me. all together, I've taken about 10 pages of notes in just 3 days. the history textbook is much more effective than sleeping pills, or funny gas.

today....I went to breakdance, caught up with a few of my freshmen -cough-. afterwards, ricky, patricia, ying and I went to pace field to some volleyball. kingston was supposed to be there but he ended up half an hour late [typical kingston?] I stayed for a good hour or so, I decided to try T Baar's stuff. their bubble tea is REALLY good. I mean.. REALLY good. and it was only a dollar :D, but it'll never beat yayas. if only yayas had tapioca that wasn't so hard.

right now, I think [someone] doesn't like talking to me. I mean...I'm friendly and all that, but idunno, I IMed her and asked why she never responds. she said "I never wanna" that hurt me. I don't think I ever did anything to her. we took pictures together and stuff. it's like my best friend since I was 3 all over again. at first, we're all cool and tight, but now, it's falling apart. the bond is loosening. what she said really hurt me..

first week of school update.

first week of school was ok I guess. another year means another fresh start. I hope this year, God will give me the wisdom to succeed in school. I've been praying about it for a while. so far, my teachers are ok I guess. I dislike one of them though. Lapiroff, my technology teacher. she has to ask this other teacher in the back of the room for directions on what to do next. and worst of all, she speaks in monotone. its SO boring. 43 dreadful minutes every school day of the week. :[ she made us buy this multimeter thingymabob which costs $20. even better, radioshack's too cheap to throw in a battery, and the battery itself was $7. altogether was about $30 which is like.. a fricken waste of money. so far, I know a few people in most of my classes. its just spanish class that I'm a loner. first day of school, I manage to find ricky, jamie, amy, james song, nd patricia in my lunch period. we were like "OMGG! LET'S MAKE A CANA TABLE!" but in the end, jamie and amy just walk around. so now, patricia and I just sit with james and ricky's senior friends. one of them reminds me of hubert li. (:

right now, my mom is seriously pissing me off. I really can't take this. it's such a huge burden. she keeps repeating everything she said last night. every single fricken day. whoever reads this, I need someone to talk to when I'm at home...anyone, I just want to have a good convo so I don't have to deal with my mom. its just so irritating...someone I can talk about life problems to.

forever, author or salvation. my God is mighty to save!

this labor day weekend, I've felt so much change. I've felt a lot of rush in my body but it wasn't an adrenaline or sugar rush. It was a spiritual high. During praise and worship, we would sing, sing, sing our hearts out. we would sing about how we would hold our arms high, and abandon our hearts for him. how his creations are all uncomparable, his love is indesribable and uncontainable. God has spoken out to us, 4 days straight through Dr. Walter Christian Kaiser. I regret not going to the prayer concert. It was my chance to grow through praise and worship, but I rejected that chance. it's something that I regret, but it doesn't matter. my love for Him will always be as strong as it ever will be. that spiritual high feeling, will never leave me, just as nelson said.

testimony night was the night I'll never forget. all of the youth groups surrounding a person who is sharing their life story on how He changed them. it was so inspirational and touching. most if not, all of the people who were there were touched by all of the testimonies that were shared. even though we didn't have enough time for everyone to go, we managed to fill up the whole cross except for just one piece. it took a lot of courage to stand up in front of all those people to share about how God has changed each individual, some people even shared some secrets that aren't meant to be shared, but they shared it anyways. why? because they wanted to spread their life story about how He has molded us like clay. I learned that God has everything planned out for us, it's up to us to follow his plan. I really enjoyed singing my heart out. even though it wasn't until the last day that I felt that spiritual high during praise and worship, I'm glad that I managed to feel his presence. it doesn't matter how long into conference it took, that half an hour of just singing, and praising without a single care in the world, I was taken back. it doesn't matter how bad or how good you sing. its about how hard you sing with your heart I sensed his presence during testimony night. the fieldhouse was actually quiet for once. the stillness of the room made his presence known, and He was speaking to us. no matter how hard, or how easy it was to understand a testimony, every single one [to me] had a meaning behind it and God was giving us direction to life. to be honest, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because of the way God can change us, the way God shows his love for us, the way how he is always walking by our sides no matter what happens to us.

this is a special thank you to sze and nelson who gave their testimonies during devotions, I was already touched by theirs, let alone testimony night where a lot of people shared about how He has changed their life.

I messed up on my testimony, so I'll take some time to share with you.

I used to have a friend who I grew up with. I've known him since I was about two years old. we would do everything together. we played together, we ate together, we even played yu-gi-oh together. he was like an older brother to me. we went to ps 130 until I reached the 3rd grade where his dad wanted him to move back to rhode island to spend time there. he packed up, and only visited during the summer. I missed playing with him, spending christmas with him, learning about jesus with him in sdc. then one day, he gave me a call and announced that he's moving back to new york. I was 11 at the time, moving onto 7th grade. I walked him through the testing process to get into nyc lab school. I congratulated him as he came out of the classroom. so first day of school I showed him around and he enjoyed it. but after a month of school, I didn't like the new friends he made. they were what you would call the "bad group" I continued to hangout with him, but I noticed that he's not the same as before. not long after, he started getting into fights at home, started to come home late and sometimes not even come home at all. he got caught up with that type of life. one morning, I did the morning routine, knocked on his door to go to school. he came at me like a wild bear. he grabbed me by my collar and shoved me into the wall. he decked me in the face and threatend to do it again if I keep bothering him. at that point, I stopped talking to people, I started to hate people, started to be independent since everyone I knew seemed to have gotten close with him, but worst of all, I hated God. I was really upset that he severed the rope that held my friend and I together. it wasn't until a friend of mine took me back to ocm and I learned about youth corner. I stepped into 602 for the first time in a long time. I felt really welcomed, I'm greatful that pastor rocky then introduced me to friday night bible study, and sunday worship. it gave me a chance to learn more and reconnect with God. It hit me that God took away my childhood friend, and replaced him with so many others who care about me, and love me as a fellow follower of Christ. I've learned that my friend has been arrested by the police and he doesn't come home every now and then. God led me away from that kind of person and put me with people who are the good folks, I misunderstood God, his plan will always lead me in the right direction