lent, what to let go of..

It took a good day and a half to think of what to give up, but I discovered what to give up when I thought about what I did that wasted the most of my time. so here it is. For lent, I decided to give up shooting games. I waste time at home shooting down others instead of doing homework, or studying, but even more importantly, devoting time for God. Putting down those games like counterstrike, day of defeat, call of duty, and even halo. all of that time that I use in a week, can help me learn more about God rather than just sitting here clicking away. Sure, I will miss playing counterstrike at home, or halo at church, but its all for God and giving up these types of video games will give me no excuse to not devote enough time for God.

sunday mornin' rain is falling

steal some cover shed some skin.
Its sunday morning and I'm not allowed to go out until 1. this sucks so much that I have to stay home instead of physically being at church, but at least I can still see service through skype. this week was okish three days made up for the whole break.
Day 1, Wednesday I went over to ocm to help clean out the sixth floor. I was going to be there at around 10 but my mom caused me a bit of arguing at home so I got out to ocm around 11. pastor rocky was really grateful that we all went out to help. after cleaning was youth corner and even then, my heart felt really cold and without love. there were just so many things that people did that can rip the hearts of other's apart. I left kind of sad.
Day 2, Thursday
This was planned for like....a week. Originally, it was just Julie and I. we were gonna go to pinkberry together and I would have frozen yogurt for the very first time, but fiona refused to let me see her before she does so fiona and sharon tagged along. I still got to see julie before her though since fiona and sharon are kinda slow. had pinkberry and walked and talked. it was a good feeling to see julie again though.
Day 3, Friday
Friday was eh. my mom wouldn't let me go out to ocm for youth corner or bible study. so instead, rachael fiona sharon and ada went to 34th and I went along I guess. It was kinda weird though since I was the only guy =/ I hope rachael's dad didn't get any suspicions. rachael was the first one there but she didn't call to tell me because she thought I was asleep. I got to starbucks at 10, half an hour after she got there. we talked and listened to music for like.. an hour before fiona and sharon got there. there was this korean lady behind us and she left a korean newspaper. so I picked it up and was like..anyosayo? saranghaeyo? mmm went to foreverw21, er...ae and aero. then her dad took us to this place think it was called cafe zaiya? it was pretty good but crowded. walked around some more. I put my life on the line to save sharon's volleyball. they hit it and it rolled onto the streets. my life wasn't in danger, I'm still in one piece. oh no where's my toe?

Overall this break was eh. I wasn't allowed to go to volleyball last week but hopefully I can go later today I just hope that everything can fall back into place just like it used to. Nothing's the same anymore.

Break is ending..

Midwinter break is ending and I barely went to hangout. Yesterday, I went to OCM and helped clean up parts of the 6th floor but even so I still felt upset and sad, I felt as if something is missing in my life. I don't want to go back to school.

Home is some place that I don't feel safe at. Home to me, is full of hatred, anger, and sadness. Almost every night, my mom would yell at me for absolutely no reason. and every night, it would be about the same thing, over and over again. If she got her point across the first time, why does she need to emphasize it a hundred times more?

Today was ok, I got to see juliechan! :D it's been like.... months since I last saw her. I had frozen yogurt for the first time and it's AMAZING! I wanted to handball or play pool after but no one was up for it. all of the student leaders are at retreat, and I don't have a membership to play four wall in flushing with mike. ):

quick blog for whomever reads my blog [no one]

I got really lazy and I don't bother to even update this blog since no one gets back to me on whatever I write. my grades are in a big predicament. I was so determined to do well this school year and I pulled off an 80 average for the fall, 4 points higher than last year.

a lot of things have been on my mind. most of them are sad, a select few are good. but I don't even know where to start theres just many things that drives my brain haywire.

Bad

• my mom has yelled at me every single day, and I pray and pray each day but there is not much change and it kind of seems hopeless to me, but I still continue to pray.
• tomorrow marks the eighth week that I haven't attended ocm service in person since my mom won't let me. I've been attending service through oovoo and skype. thank you yi ping jeremy and fiona for making it possible
• not lately, but a certain friend and I...we used to be so close [to me not sure about her]. her and I would talk like..everyday. even when I'm not at home I would be sitting at barnes and noble, instead of reading and doing sat prep homework, I would sit there and talk to her on aim and sometimes on the phone. things have changed, and just wondering why hurts. I really wish that things can be the way they used to be. cool summer nights chatting with someone that I enjoyed talking to.
  
• my webcam broke, so I've been using my cousin's laptop to see my friends and service. theres a webcam that I want but my mom won't let me buy it even with the money that I've saved up for the past month[50]
• I feel as if a lot of people are starting to be jerks...like big time. its like middle school all over again, we'd be cool with each other for a year, played together hung out together, but the second year I'm being rejected and casted into the corner.
  

Good

• Although I've been locked up in the mornings at home, I'm still keeping my faith up in God. the little time I spend at ocm on fridays before being ushered to work and then go home still gives me that motivation to keep trusting in him. "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"
  
• I'm still allowed to go to volleyball on sundays in the afternoon which I am extremely grateful for. even though not a lot of cana people go, I'm still happy for the people who go that I can see their faces at least once. like two weeks ago, how a group of people from bcbc decided to come which brightened up my week. I don't look forward to anything at home anymore. the chances that I have to get out of the apartment, I take advantage of them.
  

yeah theres more bad than good, and theres probably more if I put more thought but the worst of them are on this post. nothing much has happened this week. I bumped into helen on thursday and got that hug that I always get from her. it was a positive counter balance against the negative aspects that happened that day. as for the rest of this break, I probably won't be in the city and I'll have internet access whenever I'm at my cousins and not at my aunts house where I'll be sleeping. hopefully I can still stay happy.